Being a mom is hard enough. Add on top of it being a mom to someone with ADHD and ODD it feels near impossible.

I lost it today. No not yelling. No screaming. Didn’t spank. So how did I loose it? Yup started bawling in the Wendy’s drive thru.

I’m tired. I don’t know how to make her better. I don’t know how to make these situations better. I feel like I keep getting further and further away from it getting better.

So many don’t see her diagnosis as a disability. But some days it is debilitating. Today was one of those days. The smallest things set her off. I never know when the bomb is going to go off.

Today am I going to get to enjoy the day with my sweet Paizlee? The Paizlee that I dreamed about as a little girl. The little girl every mom dreams about. OR am I going to get stuff thrown at me, hit, kicked, screamed at, yelled at.

I feel so guilty — because I know she has to feel terrible inside her head. Right? But I can’t help but think about the future. We always dream about the athlete they will be, the A/B student, the kind person, good and honest person. And I feel like I am failing at raising mine.

I don’t want to go places because I feel they can’t handle her because she is “to much”. Or I don’t want her to go do something because she is “to much”. I don’t want her to ask to hang out with someone, go to someone’s house, realize she wasn’t invited because she is “to much”

I just hope one day I can get it right for you baby girl. I love you.