The feeling of isolation. Isolation from my own family. From my friends. From the public.

The feeling of being alone. I try to keep my distance from people and places. Go places when they won’t be busy. When I know it will be okay.

Decline offers even when I want to go. Or don’t even have to decline because I never ever get the offers any more.

I know she is a lot. But she also has a big heart. She also has a kind soul. When we are any place but our own home I can’t relax, my anxiety is high. My stress level is through the roof.

I know others are judging. Others are thinking I should parent better. Others think I should beat her butt. They think I should scream and yell.

Believe me I have thought everything you have thought and more. I think on a daily I am failing her. Times have been really hard!

Did you know, that it is a piece of cake to get into therapy if you have Medicaid but you have a million hoops to jump thru if you are private insurance? We have been trying since JULY! For two different kinds!

We did a DNA compatibility swab for meds. Therefore we had to wean off one medicine, then wean her onto one medicine. This started 2 months ago.. 2 very long months of her not feeling like herself, acting out more than normal.

Having fits. Kicking, screaming. Throwing stuff. Kicking my car window. Then having anxiety attacks and passing out on me. Yes I feel like I am failing. I am just praying we have a light at the end of this tunnel